6 Unconventional Ways to Create a Strong Relationship with your Teen

Communicating with teens can be tricky. One day, they’re open and chatty. The next, they’re shut down and distant. It’s normal, but it’s also hard—especially when you just want to stay connected. If you’ve tried asking “How was your day?” and get the classic “Fine,” you’re not alone. Sometimes, you have to get creative. Here are a few unconventional ways to build a stronger connection with your teen, which in turn will create a strong, lasting bond:

1. The You and Me Journal

This is one of the simplest and most powerful tools I’ve used. Grab a plain journal—no prompts, no rules. Give it to your teen and tell them it’s a private space for just the two of you. They can write anything they're struggling to say out loud. You promise to read it with an open mind and heart. No harsh reactions. No big confrontations. Just honest, written conversations.

When they write something tough, take your time and write back with care. You’ll be surprised at how this helps both of you communicate on a deeper level, without the pressure of face-to-face talks.

2. Inspirational Notes Around Their Room

Get a stack of Post-it notes and jot down quotes that might lift them up. Stick them in places they're sure to see—the mirror, closet door, desk, even inside a textbook. These don’t have to be cheesy. Pick quotes that feel real; encouraging, but not over the top. Think of them as gentle reminders that you see them, believe in them, and that life has hope and meaning, even on hard days. Refer from using virtual means to send these quotes; they will mean more if you actually write them down and stick them around.

3. “Why I Love You” Notes on their Door

This might sound small, but it adds up in a big way. Write one reason you love them on a Post-it and stick it to their door. Do this once a day. “I love you because you’re kind to your little brother.” “I love you because you’re brave enough to try new things.” Be specific. Over time, their door will fill up with reminders of who they are in your eyes. It helps them see themselves differently too. Remember, praise effort, not achievements like "I love you because you're a straight A student" or "You are the fastest on your team". Instead, try "I love you because you work hard on every project." or "I love you because you are a great teammate."

4. Read Together Before Bed

Reading together isn’t just for little kids. Pick a book, devotional, or even scripture readings. Let them choose. Sit down together at night and read a little before bed. Keep it casual. Talk about it if they want. Or just read. This creates a simple, peaceful habit that brings you close at the end of the day. Some suggestions are: Live in Light, Live on Purpose, Yours, Not Hers, Unoffendable, The Young Men We Need, Liked, Let Them. The next book on my list is launching March 15th: The Next Conversation. My daughter and I listened to this podcast episode, featuring the author, Jefferson Fisher, and we had so much to learn and talk about from it!

5. Conversation Starters for Car Rides

Long drives or family dinners can be the perfect time for deeper conversations—if you’re ready. Keep a list of conversation starters handy. Let them pick a question to ask you, and answer it honestly. Then they can answer too. Keep it fun, no pressure. Here's my go-to list: Family Conversation Starters

6. Create a Coupon Book as a Gift

Teens love one-on-one time, even if they won’t say it. Make them a coupon book they can “cash in” whenever they want. Include things like:

• Picnic with Mom

• Dinner at a sports pub with Dad

• Movie with Mom

• Fishing with Dad

• School shopping trip

• (specific sports) practice with Dad

• Mall and lunch date

• Skip School- Work With Dad

• Walk and Ice cream Date

• Skip Chores-Walk with Mom Day

• Gaming with Dad

• YES DAY *some restrictions apply

  
  

You can get creative. The point is to give them control over when and how you spend time together. Make sure you use this time to listen to them and avoid lecturing, correcting or criticizing and watch them ask for more time when the coupon book "expires"!

Teens aren’t always easy to read. Sometimes they need space. But more often, they’re looking for connection—they just aren’t sure how to ask for it. These simple ideas help create moments where they feel safe, seen, and loved, without the pressure of a serious “talk.” Small steps like these can build trust and make a big difference in your relationship.